illumination

Israel is a mess

I just want to escape from this country and all it’s problems.

So many people shouting out there on the streets, so many misrable people. There is no solution for Israel.

Yes, I was born in Israel. Yes, I live here my entire life. But I don’t like it. I wish there was somewhere else, far away from here.

Let me out of Israel.

There is no future here.

Still Crazy After All This Years

I fall for him in a heartbeat, in the exact moment I heard his ringtone. It was Lucy in the sky with diamonds by the Beatles, my favorite band. When I complimented him about it, he smiled and asked me if I’m not too young to listen to old music like this. I told him there is no age for good things. I still believe it.

He was older than me, 11 years older. When I’m only sixteen years old and he is 27 it can look like worlds apart, but it didn’t matter to me. He was perfect. He still is.

And there I was, standing at the edge, feeling the wind blowing. It was almost a year I was watching him from a safe distance. In my mind I was his, and his only; unfortunately, he didn’t seem to notice. Then it hit me. I couldn’t bear seeing him over and over, having all this emotions. I was obsessed with this one sided love, and all I wanted is for it to stop. It can only be stopped if he knows, or I die. I chose the first option. So I wrote him an anonymous letter and left it in his post box. I think the moment I put it there was the scariest, most egoistic moment in my entire existence. There are times when I still can’t believe I actually did it.

Two weeks after I heard he is leaving, moving away to a far place. I never saw him actually read my letter, but I think he did. I don’t know if that was the reason he left, and sometime I wish it was because I like the thought I had an influence on his life. The day before he left, when he came to gather his stuff, he caught me looking at him. He looked back at me, just staring at me for a long, long moment, taking me hostage with his look. A day later he left, leaving nothing behind. Maybe he knew it was me all along, maybe we could have a fairytale of our own. I will never know. I’m still thinking about him sometimes. I wonder if he does the same.

- -

(I’m sorry about the grammar mistakes, it’s the first time I write a thing in English.)